BEING 24!

“Saurav Khurana, a 24 years old lanky boy from delhi bags a placement offer worth 1.4 crores that came his way from the global investment giant JP MORGAN. Khurana a commerce graduate from country’s top college SRCC is presently in the third semester of MBA at IIM-Ahemdabad. Khurana says………”

These were the few lines my eyes fell on, as I held the newspaper this morning. Agitated, I switched to the sports column. Eyes glued to the headlines read “Saina Nehwal,20, clings the South-Asian Badminton Championship. Saina is the first Indian….” Next page, “Amit Yadav,23, scores 100 percentile in CAT 2009…”

A zephyr of anguish ran through my veins. I’ve had enough for the morning. It seems that all the achievers and over-achievers in the whole wide world have gradually moved to the age-group of 20-25! As I look around, I find them everywhere. Dreams in there eyes, Passion to deliver and a zest to outshine and succeed is all I get hold of.
Wow! The world is moving rapidly, times have changed or I would say Cars have changed and so have drivers.

As I look into the mirror, I don’t really see myself now. Dreams fading away, passion losing its intensiveness and it seems I am still thousands of miles away from success. Do I sound like a 70 years old, adjourned and godforsaken valet who has almost lived his allotted lifespan and is waiting for a denotation to leave this competitive world in the hands of a more deserving generation? I fear to believe that.

The story was never the same few days ago. These eyes saw a bigger dream than Saurav Khurana, there was even more bountiful promise and enthusiasm to deliver than Amit Yadav and this mind worked as hard as Saina Nehwal to live his dream. Sounds like a perfect love story, right? Lamentably, Karan Johar was not directing this story and eventually all love-stories don’t really have happy endings.

The moment I came across my CAT 2009 scorecard, I experienced severe pain in my stomach. Hopes crashed, ships drowned, candles lit off and darkness all around. Evil demon has overpowered the destitute angel. An excess of good converted it all into bad. I felt like a cripple. My hands and legs chopped off and I, lay helpless on the floor, smelling shit all over again. This is how I felt when the biggest dream of my life shattered.

However, I am super-glad that I am blessed with such loving and understanding parents who stood by me and held my hand with utmost affection I craved for during that tussling storm. Yes, I have almost recovered; however, those bruises have left their blemishes on my instinct. Acceptance of failure is something I am dealing with now.

Now, I stand on a junction from where I can see two roads leading somewhere I don’t really know. I can hear some voices from within when I move towards the first road. It says, accept what comes your way, accept your limitations and forget whatever happened in the past and start afresh. Well, I see a positive and a negative aspect here. Positive: I will continue to move on and excel in whatever I do.
Negative: I shall not be able to dream big and be confined to what I have. A fear of not being what I am.

Now there is a difference between accepting failure and fearing failure. I don’t want to live with this grudge for the rest of my life.

As I look at the other road, I hear a voice that admonishes me of the danger and jeopardy of what lies ahead. This can indeed turn out to be suicidal. There is no assurance that I shall not feel the same or go through all this again next year. This road brings along even more irksome hurdles and break down stress levels. It involves an all over re-construction of mind and disposal of pre-occupied dreads for a successful break through. Now, in spite of all these negativisms and grievous aspects, one goodness that comes along is SELF-RESPECT. Yes, the intuitive feeling of having got ridden of those bruise blemishes is something that has to be felt and cannot be expressed in words. I aspire to live a clean and smooth life with no regrets and unfinished tasks when I look back.

The only thing I can bank upon now is my belief. A belief to start all over again, a belief to fight back, a belief to believe in my self and a belief to live my dream. All other things are secondary and attainable. I would be turning 24 next month, and I have a dream yet again. This time, its even more grander and pompous. It will be backed by immense toil and perseverance. It will accept the failure and learn to combat it with élan.

A dream seen through open eyes has more probability of coming true provided it is followed as a religion. And, I am going to live it soon.